The Lowdown on Night Waking

What's the first thing you think about when you think about having a baby? For me it's the cuddles, that sweet little baby giving me gorgeous smiles. I forget all about the hard work of having a baby, and glory in all the good stuff. Of course, that is what we are meant to do, if we remembered the hard stuff as we do the good stuff, well, we probably wouldn't keep having babies would we?

One of the hard things about having a baby is sleep, or more aptly the lack thereof. I function well on low sleep, but I know many people (my husband included) who need sleep to function well. They get grumpy, agitated, and unmotivated. It's one of the hardest aspects of having a baby after all, isn't it? Sleep is essential, for both baby and parents. Night parenting though, is very important. As hard as it can be, night parenting is unavoidable, important, and should be embraced. (I know, you think I'm crazy don't you?)

When a baby is born they are programmed to wake up, they wake when they are hungry, and when they are wet, and if they want snuggles. These are all very valid reasons for babies of any age to wake, not just newborns.

When your sweet little baby is born they need 3 things, a clean diaper, a full belly (which is where breastmilk comes in) and their mama to cuddle. Often newborns don't want to be put down, if they are it won't last long. They seem to sleep best on mom's chest, and sometimes, nowhere else. We buy lots of "things" to put our babies in, swings, bouncers, cribs, bassinets, etc, but the one place they want to be is with mom. You carried your baby for nine months, they are used to your voice, your heartbeat, the whoosh of blood running through your veins. We refer to the next few months after being born as the "fourth trimester". It's an important time of bonding, cuddling, and meeting babies needs whenever they need them met.

A few common myths about this time - 1. Babies manipulate us and don't always need us when they cry. 2. You will spoil your baby by holding them often. 3. Babies must learn to self soothe early. None of these things are true. Not a single one.

The truth is that it is normal for newborns, babies and even toddlers to wake in the night. In fact, you don't even sleep through the night! You may not remember it, but we all go through periods of wakefulness and deep sleep. Sometimes we arouse and then fall back asleep, other times we arouse and go to the bathroom, or get a drink of water, I occasionally wake up and cuddle up to my husband. That is normal. It is normal for babies to do the same thing. Needing a change, a drink or snack, or even a cuddle from mom, is a normal, biological response to night waking.

The problem stems from the western world declaring there was a problem with night waking. Before this it was seen as normal and parents dealt with it. It may seem like night waking goes on forever. You may seem sleep deprived and find yourself thinking "Is this every going to end?" and the answer really is, well, no. Your 5 year old may wet the bed and need help cleaning up at 2 am. Your 10 year old may have a nightmare and need a cuddle at 5 am. Your teenager may have a problem with friends, and need help mulling it over at midnight, when you would be just as happy to be in bed. That's part of being a parent. That's what we sign up for when we have babies.

If you look at it from a new perspective, 2 years of night waking and breastfeeding, 18 years of loving your child and gaining that trust for a life long good relationship, is such a short short time in a 100 year life span. It's barely a blip on the screen. For me it's not worth it to "train" my babies or see them as an inconvenience, I'd rather stick to WIO "Waiting it Out".

Did you wait it out with your babies? What do you think about night waking?

How Dad's Can Bond with Breastfed Babies

We quite often hear of, or get told of women who are discouraged from breastfeeding their babies, because Daddy wants to bond with the baby too. As silly as this may sound to some, in some families, this is a legitimate concern. Especially so for the mother who already has a great breastfeeding relationship established. As nursing mothers, we know that breastfeeding does give us great bonding time. We also know that feeding isn’t the only time we bond with our babies. Any time spent with your baby, giving him attention, is bonding time.

As soon as your baby is born, both Mum and Dad, can start to bond. After baby has had skin to skin contact with mum, and her first breastfeed, baby can then be handed to Dad for his own skin to skin contact with baby. When you get home with baby (if you had a hospital birth), Daddy can take baby after each feed, to burp and cuddle. In fact, my husband was better at burping our newborn then I was!

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Daddy holding his bundled newbie.

Many Dads find that their special time with baby, is bath time. This is especially nice for Dad’s who work away from home all day. Dad gets home, has a bite to eat, and gives baby her bath (also a welcome break for mum).

Most families will have already invested in some form of baby carrier or wrap. Consider the investment if not. Dad’s can babywear as much as Mum can, around the house, out shopping, running errands.

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Don't mind the expressions, it was bright and baby was tired.

If Dad does feel as though he’s missing out or feeling left out by not being able to feed baby. He can be in charge of bringing baby to mum to feed and taking baby back when the feed is finished - many a mother would be grateful that Daddy is getting up 4 times a night too.

Reading to your baby can never start too early. Daddy can read to baby from the day of his birth, be it a newspaper or a child’s picture book, it doesn’t matter the material, baby will enjoy listening to the rise and fall of Daddy’s voice and the time Daddy has taken to spend with them.

Dad’s can take the baby at anytime day or night, to cuddle,lay down on the bed with,talk to, or watch football with. Anytime spent with Daddy is special time.

Personally I have breastfed all of my babies, Daddy has never suffered neglect from the kiddies. He’ll walk the floors with a gassy baby, cuddle the baby while watching footy, take them shopping, take them to the park, fall asleep with them - any number of things. His relationship with the kids has always been great. Not because he’s got boobs to feed them with, but because he’s always spent time with them and included them in his everyday activities. Whether they’re 3 days or 3 years old. And now that the bigger kiddies are getting older, Daddy has a line of them following him around the yard like a row of ducklings, while he works or takes them out to play.

If you can think of an activity that Daddy and baby can do together, they will bond. All of these suggestions work just as well for Grandma's and Grandpa's, Aunts and Uncles, and Friends as well!

What activities did your hubbies enjoy doing with your baby? Did they feel like they bonded well with the baby?

Colic Help

Colic is one of the hardest things to deal with, when you have a newborn. Whether you breastfeed or not. The beauty however with a breastfed baby, is that colic can be fixed sometimes a whole lot easier.

I say that because you have very few options when you’re not breastfeeding. There are many avenues you can take with a breastfed baby, to relieve or eliminate colic all together.

How do you distinguish colic from other ailments? Typically, if your baby is screaming for hours at a time, pulls her knees up to her chest, and sometimes can see a blue tinge above the upper lip - it’s colic. Colic is air/ gas trapped in the bowel, the bowel spasms causing pain to the baby.

What can you do to help your baby?

* Check that you don’t have an overactive let down . (http://kellymom.com/bf/got-milk/supply-worries/fast-letdown/) Your baby’s colic could be the result of too much air being gulped whilst feeding, typical of a baby trying to keep up with a fast flow. Watch and listen to your baby whilst feeding and let down. If you notice baby is gulping down air, try feeding baby in a more upright position (Biological Nurturing: Laid-Back Breastfeeding ). Lie on your back with baby lying on top of you to feed. Or take baby off the breast at the beginning of your let down, catch the spray in a towel or bowl ( to save) then relatch.

* What are you eating? Often what we eat is a cause of colic in infants.All babies are different, so it becomes a process of elimination. Write down everything you eat, and see if your baby is more affected the next day by a particular food.

* Are you taking fenugreek? Fenugreek is a cause of colic in infants, and can be blamed if baby did not suffer before you started taking the supplement. It is known to upset babies tummy.

* Are you eating oats? Oats are another cause, one I personally didn’t know, and ended up with a severe colicky baby for 4- 5 weeks.

* Dairy proteins - If you have tried your elimination diet, next try cutting out all dairy. Remembering it can take up to 3 weeks for dairy proteins to leave your systems.

* Colic drops/ gripe water/Probiotics - Some babies will respond very well to these products, remember to check labels for no added alcohol. If you can find a drop with fennel and ginger in it, those will naturally help to ease tummy pain. Probiotics have been proven in recent studies to be just as effective as gripe water.

Some other things you can try to help alleviate babies symptoms of colic are :- Pumping babies legs as though she’s riding a bicycle.

Massage baby’s belly in a circular clockwise motion with a little coconut or almond oil with 1 drop of lavender oil added.

Warm baths with a few drops of lavender oil in the water, can be a god send for mother and baby alike.

Remember too, to nurse as much as baby wants, being at the breast is often a way that calms you both, and quite often calm baby enough to pass so much gas your eyes start to water!

Wear your baby as much as possible, your movement throughout the day is often a great help to shift baby’s gas.

Lay baby on her tummy on a firm bed or couch, rub, pat, jiggle her butt from side to side.

If none of these suggestions work, there is still light at the end of the tunnel. It doesn’t last forever! Baby will grow out of it. The best advice I can give in that situation is to invite as many close friends and family members as you can, often, to come over to help out. Whether that means comforting the baby, washing the clothes, or cooking dinner. The help will be appreciated, you will need it - so take it!

A baby with colic is heartbreaking, emotionally and physically exhausting. A range of emotions and fears will bombard you. When your baby screams and screams, you feel as though you’re doing something wrong. Or worse - failing your baby. Remember you’re only human. It is normal to feel these things, but you must also remember that it is just one of those things. There is no fault, there is no blame to be laid at anyone's feet. At the end of the day, you do your best for your baby. Keep nursing, keep trying to find that thing or the many things that will help make your baby comfortable. Know that in doing those things, you are doing the best for your baby, and it will pass.

Breastfeeding Myths Uncovered

Quite often we hear of myths that end up ' booby trapping' women into discontinuing nursing their babies. So lets clear some of them up.

* you must breast feed every 2 - 3 hours.

* I can only pump a small amount, my milk is drying up

* my baby is fussy, my milk supply is going.

* my baby only gained a small amount of weight, I'm starving my baby.                  

* my milk has quantity, but not quality                              

* you can't breast feed while pregnant

* I have to drink milk to make milk.                                  

* I can't keep up with baby's demand.

* breast milk loses nutritional value after 1 year

Lets start with the first point: *Breast fed babies should always be demand fed. In the early days straight after birth, baby's stomach is the size of a large marble. At about 1 week, it's the size of a golf ball. That little tummy has to be filled often, breast milk digests quickly, so baby becomes hungry. Breast feeding is also about comfort and building a trusting relationship with your baby. If you deny the breast because you view it hasn't been long enough between feeds. You are literally making your baby go hungry. If you deny the breast for comfort, you are telling your baby, that you won't meet his needs. I encourage you all to research " the fourth trimester". Your baby's instinct is to be attached to you, he is a wholly dependent being, his instincts tell him that to be away from you, means death. Don't fight it, go with it!

* I can only pump x amount: Your pumping out put is absolutely no indicator of how much milk you make. Your baby can drain your breast efficiently and effectively. A cold machine, doesn't do the same job as a baby, yet merely mimics it. Many women do not respond well to a pump, but manage to successfully nourish their babies. The only true indicators of a low milk supply are, less than 6 - 8 wet/ poopy nappies per day. No growth at all, meaning no weight gain and/ or growth in length and head circumference, no little fingernails needing clipping.

* My baby is fussy: There are plenty of reasons baby becomes fussy, rarely is it an issue with supply. Baby may have gas, have a sore ear, teething, too hot, too cold, overstimulated, too tired, perhaps a over active let down, perhaps a long period before let down, something in your diet has changed, maybe a growth spurt. There's so many reasons why babies fuss. Don't automatically think it's your supply, believe in your body's ability to feed your baby. Unless you have true indicators of low supply, look for other causes.

* My baby only gained a small amount of weight: There is more that goes into growing a baby than weight gain. If your baby has only put on 3 oz, but has grown an inch in length. Your milk is just fine, the calories have gone into growing baby up, rather than out in that particular time frame. Look at what other things your baby has been doing that week. Has he been sick? Has his head grown? Has he been sick? Has he started crawling? Or walking? Babies grow at different rates, there is no golden rule that says your baby must be the same as everyone else's. Always remember that genetically, some babies will be small, some babies will be average, and some babies will be big. If you or your partner are fine framed, chances are baby will be too.

* My milk has quantity, not quality: this particular myth drives me nuts. This myth usually stems from a fussy baby, or a baby that isn't gaining a pound a week. All breast milk contains the same nutrients, anti bodies and fat content. Mothers diet does not affect the quality of her milk. The ingredients in breastmilk are vast, and breastmilk is a living substance. Yes ratios vary, typically due to the age of the baby, and what stage that particular baby is at. Eg anti bodies and fat content are higher in breast milk of a nursing toddler than a new born. As previously stated, a fussy baby or slower weight gain is no indication of milk quality.

* You can't breast feed while pregnant: Completely untrue. Many, many mothers can nurse throughout their entire pregnancy, then tandem feed once the new baby is born. In some women, the hormones will cause a lower supply or a sour taste to their milk. But this is not always the case. The only time nursing during pregnancy is contraindicated is if the mother is on pelvic rest due to pre-term labor, or risk of. That doesn't mean if your doctor says you have to stop nursing because there is a risk.

* I have to drink milk to make milk: No you certainly don't! There's no harm to drinking milk (unless your baby has a dairy intolerance) but there is no scientific research to suggest this is true. Keeping hydrated with water and maintaining a healthy diet are better requirements to ensure a healthy supply.

Introducing Solids The Easy Way; Baby-Led Weaning

What do you think of when you hear the phrase, "Baby-led Weaning"? When my oldest was a little one, probably around 10 months old, I became obsessed with how we were feeding him. He was spoon fed purees, and was starting to reject the chunkier purees. I always home made all his food, and I couldn't figure out why he just kept spitting the chunks back at me. I started searching Amazon for baby food books, I found the classic puree books, but in my quest to discover them I came across another book. "Baby-led Weaning". "The Essential Guide to Introducing Solid Foods - And Helping Your Baby to Grow Up a Happy and Confident Eater," it boldly proclaimed. I was so surprised that had I never seen this before. This is exactly what I had been looking for, right? Who doesn't want a happy and confident eater?

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My oldest, 11 months and still spoon fed

So I bought it and I read, and I thought "This is insane!! Who would give a carrot to a 6 month old! Are these people crazy?" I dismissed the whole book, put it into my inventory on my kindle, and didn't think of it again.

Fast forward 18 months. My second son was a few months old, and the topic of starting solids came up in a group I was in. By this point I knew that we would be skipping rice cereal no matter what, but I was still planning on pureeing my own food. I had a nagging thought in the back of my mind, but I carried on with my plans. Around 5 months people started to ask "So, when are you going to feed him cereal? What food is he going to get?" One of my friends mentioned that they would be doing baby-led weaning with her baby, who was the same age as mine, and that's when it hit me, I had read that book! I decided to give it a second chance, I pulled it back out and read it again.

I will tell you, I was scared of baby-led weaning. What if he chokes? What if it doesn't work? Doesn't he need the food? He won't eat much, so how will he get nutrition?

First taste of Avocado - 6.5 months

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Baby-led weaning really is an amazing thing. We chose to use it, instead of puree's for our second child, and I couldn't have been, and still are, happier with his introduction to food.

Here are some of the great benefits of baby led weaning:

- Baby-led weaning happens when the baby is ready. A lot of times babies are given food before they would be ready to eat it. Your baby needs to be sitting unassisted, with no tongue thrust, and at least 6 months old before getting any solids.

-Baby-led weaning allows babies to choose when they want to eat. Food before one is just for fun. The main source of nutrition for a child under 12 months should be breast milk. Solids should not be the bulk of your baby's diet. Allowing your child to go at their own pace, through baby led weaning allows them to slowly up their solid intake.

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Oh, that tastes funny!

-Baby-led feeding is what breastfeeding is all about anyways. When your baby is first born, one of the most important things we hear is "Feed the baby when he is hungry, no schedules, no waiting, if the baby is hungry, feed him." By doing that we teach our babies multiple lessons, one of them is to eat when they are hungry. Baby-led weaning allows babies to eat when they are hungry, and the BABY chooses when they are full, not the mom trying to airplane in a spoonful of squash. Baby-led weaning is the perfect extension to baby-led feeding.

-Baby-led weaning allows babies to follow and learn their own body cues. When you spoon feed a baby, you feed them till you feel they are satisfied, or until they seem to be done. But how do we know they are really done? How many of us have "choo-choo'd" the spoon into the mouth, trying to get a few more bites and finish off the jar? When you breastfeed, your babies get to decide when they are full. They comfort nurse instead, getting no milk, or they pop off the breast. With baby-led weaning those same babies continue on learning the same things they were taught at an early age. They stop when they are full, they eat till they are done, and no one cajoles them into taking anymore bites.

-Baby-led weaning teaches babies to chew, before it teaches them to swallow. I don't know about you, but I would rather my baby learn to chew his food before he learn to swallow whatever I put in his mouth. Chewing is very important, if I do say so myself. Watching my 7 month old move food around in his mouth, gum it down, and swallow it was an amazing experience.

-Baby-led weaning is an amazing sensory experience. With baby-led weaning you are feeding your baby whatever you are eating. Babies get to smoosh, and smash, and hold slippery food. They get to taste different textures, rice, pasta, banana, carrot, etc. They get to see the beautiful food on their tray. It really is an amazing learning experience all around.

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Learning that Spaghetti is slippery, and yummy

-Baby-led weaning does lead to confident, happy, well rounded eaters. I have talked to many moms, and I have found the same thing. My oldest is a picky, picky eater. He is finicky about his food. My youngest will eat anything we put in front of him. He loves food. He has gone through many little picky phases, I'm not saying baby-led weaning babies are not picky, they go through those stages as well, but they seem to rebound a lot quicker, and move forward. He is an adventurous eater, trying new tastes often.

I'm not saying that puree fed babies will be picky, horrible children, swallowing everything in their path before they try chewing it. I'm simply saying that baby-led weaning is an amazing extension from breastfeeding. I want to teach my children to follow their own instincts, I want them to learn to trust their bodies, I want them to know that I trust that they can nourish themselves, and teaching them to eat confidently, by breastfeeding and allowing them to feed themselves, is the best way to do that.

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7 months, eating a whole apple

The first time my 8 month old picked up a whole plum, chowed it down and spit the pit out at me, I was stunned. His older brother wouldn't even touch plums! Was I initially worried about choking? Yes, but guess what, he never, ever choked. He gagged a few times, and spit up once when he was gagging, but he never choked. I was right there supervising him every time he ate. We took a baby cpr class which I advise all parents to do, no matter how you feed your baby. We knew how to deal with an emergency, but we never needed to. I feel confident now that he won't choke, or over-stuff his mouth, because of how he learned to eat.

Trusting my baby to feed himself, and learn about himself, watching him use his instincts, has been one of the best experiences I have had in learning about my child. It has been an amazing experience.

For more info check out the book about Baby-Led weaning, linked at the top.

Facebook Takes a Dig at TMM

This week has been a busy one for Breastfeeding Photo removals, including right here on This Milk Matters. Monday Morning, TMM received a report from a mom whose Aunt had verbally attacked a pumping photo of hers, which was later removed. Our team reposted her banned notice, only to have it removed from our page as well. We reached out to advocate Jodine Chase for support. 

Unfortunately, this story only gets more annoying. That morning, Jodine Chase received a 30 day ban for sharing a side by side image of two photos found on facebook. The photo of the nude body, Facebook claimed did not violate their policy. The photo of the nursing mother, apparently had. Here at TMM we shared the BLOG detailing her removal with the following statement: “Facebook strikes again. TMM has had pumping photos removed, and Jodine Chase was recently banned for publicizing the clear bias against Motherhood and breastfeeding on Facebook.” 

Does the mere act of speaking out against Facebook’s obvious screening discrepancies warrant the banning of 5 TMM admins, and warnings of 8 more? We don’t believe so.

So here’s what we need to ask ourselves, are we going to continue to take the runaround from Facebook? That this is all an error, a random act that has no real consequence to our community? Facebook is taking a hit at our freedom of speech with this recent removal, our dignity by not making a lasting change that could fix this unfortunately common occurrence and finally; a dig at our patience. This ban effects more than just me at TMM, it effects all 13,000 of you. You expect us here 24/7, because thats what we've promised you, support when you need it. If we are constantly battling error, we aren't doing that. This matters.

Please take a moment to view the photos we have shared here, the blogs we have linked to, and sign this petition for facebook to amend their breastfeeding policy. Your help is imperative, until we are an united voice, one that is relentless in holding Facebook accountable, nothing is going to change.

Nursing in Public, The Controversy

It seems like recently NIP has become a hot topic button again. Holister, Concord Mall,

Las Vegas, Bribie Aquatic Centre, and even on a morning talk show, breastfeeding has been berated, moms have been told to cover up, or forced to leave because they were feeding babies.

On a facebook page, or a news station, they asked for peoples opinion on the NIP issues. Responses included -

Yes, you read that right. One person said that it is not a mothers right to nurse her baby in public, in fact it is other peoples rights that are being violated by having to see a breast. I wonder, does he feel this way when he sees a woman in a bikini? Or in a low cut top? Or does he just feel this way when he sees breasts being used for what they are intended (feeding a baby) and not for his pleasure.

The other woman said that we should show respect to others, by covering our breasts, right? Our husbands don't want us showing off our breasts when feeding our babies? Well, I'll tell you what, women of the world, stop wearing bathing suits, and in fact, please start wearing turtle necks everywhere!! We wouldn't want someone else to be disrespected because they glimpsed a little cleavage! Oh wait.......that's not the issue, showing off our breasts when we wear what we want, or when celebrities take topless pictures for magazine covers isn't the issue, that's not disrespectful. It is so very disrespectful to nourish your child in a biological, normal, healthy manner! (please read sarcasm there).

How did we get to this place? How did we become a society where it is more important to respect a complete strangers feelings then it is to feed your child? How did we get to a place where our child's right to eat, and be respected to eat healthfully and naturally is considered disrespect? When did we start devaluing an infants right to be nourished whenever they decide they are hungry?

In the past few generations we have seen a switch, from caring about each other to caring about ourselves. I don't want to see it, so you shouldn't do it, is the new mentality. No one stops to take a second and think about the baby, who is hungry and needs food. No one stops to consider that they have eyes, and a neck that turns, and they are fully capable of using them.

Let me tell you, I am vegan. I do not like to watch people eat meat, or cook it, or anything. It grosses me out. When we go out to eat I have two options, eat my food happily and not pay attention to others, or sit and stare and feel grossed out. How would it go over, do you think, if I went around to each table and asked the people eating to put a blanket over their head (or take their food elsewhere) so that I didn't have to see them eating their food? What if I complained to the manager and asked them to tell people to move away? Do you think that I would be taken seriously? I am sure that I would be laughed at, and told to mind my own business, and look away. How is it that adults eating is more important then babies eating? Shouldn't we value the nourishment of our next generation?

Mothers, please don't be afraid to nurse your babies in public, where ever you are, no matter how you choose too. Here's the thing, if we ever want to make it normal to nurse, we must present it as normal. That means we need to nurse our babies when they are hungry. Covered, uncovered, it doesn't matter, what matters is that you are doing what you were made to do, and you are raising a new generation that will respect nursing, that will find it normal, and praise it. Nurse on mama's, lets make this normal, in hopes that our little girls, and our little boys wives, will be able to freely nurse without the worry that they may be asked to cover, or move, or leave.